Inside an anxious mind at 3am.

I am not weak.

It’s 3:01am and we are awake. I say ‘we’ because it’s as if my body is in one state of consciousness and my mind is in another. The body feels rested, lazy and comfortable; the perfect recipe for a sound night’s reset. The mind, on the other hand, races at the speed of sound, no rest for the wicked or tainted.

Continue reading “Inside an anxious mind at 3am.”

I must let you in on a NOT so little secret.

People are a constant reminder to me that I’ve lived my life behind a mask, behind a manmade shield of strength and certainty, behind a facade of stability and success.

I didn’t just wake up one day feeling like an incomplete puzzle. I always felt like I had the corner pieces in place, most of the framework and some areas of togetherness within the body of the picture, though there have always been gaps. Sometimes the gaps felt small and insignificant and I knew that I could come back to them at a later time, I would surely find the pieces I needed. Other times, the gaps were so colossal that I felt like giving up on this puzzle, that the picture wasn’t worth completing. All this time I hadn’t considered that the gaps were there because the pieces were missing entirely, until now. These missing pieces that were balance, emotional stability, self esteem and true happiness had always been assumed to be on the floor, accidentally tucked beneath the corner of a rug or unknowingly swiped off of the table. I never realised that these pieces were never to be found, not because they were lost but because they were never in the puzzle box to begin with.

Continue reading “I must let you in on a NOT so little secret.”