2017’s hurdles and how I learned to jump

I have many hopes and dreams for myself, my family and my blog but I am learning that I need only worry about one thing at a time.

I have spent quite some time reflecting over the last few weeks on the year that was and how the events in 2017 shaped me into who I am today and yet it has taken me a long time to put into words the hopes and dreams I have for 2018 and actually move on from what I went through last year. I think it was an easy way out for me to take the ‘hard done by’ route, the line of thinking that saw me self-victimised and feeling as though the world was against me – only now do I understand that I had to go through last year to get here, where I am today and I am extremely grateful.

To tell you where I am going, I must first explain (as briefly as possible) where I have been.

Continue reading “2017’s hurdles and how I learned to jump”

A leap of faith.

I have chosen a new path that will allow me to realise a lifelong dream, to do what I love and never work a day in my life.

684ebd26a782f5b961bd12a26ae565dc

 

It has been a while since I took a jump without forethought and planning. Almost all of my life has been calculated down to the finest T, every decision carefully crafted and designed for a desired outcome. I’ve never been an impulsive person, my OCD disallows careless action and I don’t usually do anything without hours of consideration.

Continue reading “A leap of faith.”

I must let you in on a NOT so little secret.

People are a constant reminder to me that I’ve lived my life behind a mask, behind a manmade shield of strength and certainty, behind a facade of stability and success.

I didn’t just wake up one day feeling like an incomplete puzzle. I always felt like I had the corner pieces in place, most of the framework and some areas of togetherness within the body of the picture, though there have always been gaps. Sometimes the gaps felt small and insignificant and I knew that I could come back to them at a later time, I would surely find the pieces I needed. Other times, the gaps were so colossal that I felt like giving up on this puzzle, that the picture wasn’t worth completing. All this time I hadn’t considered that the gaps were there because the pieces were missing entirely, until now. These missing pieces that were balance, emotional stability, self esteem and true happiness had always been assumed to be on the floor, accidentally tucked beneath the corner of a rug or unknowingly swiped off of the table. I never realised that these pieces were never to be found, not because they were lost but because they were never in the puzzle box to begin with.

Continue reading “I must let you in on a NOT so little secret.”

Insomniac

Behind the drooping eyelids and sleep-deprived thoughts, I am the DJ of this party and “I (yet again) can’t get no sleep”.

It isn’t any wonder that I start a ‘mind rave’ every time I feel myself lacking in the sleep department, Faithless are headlining and the song on repeat is one that I am sure many of you know all too well. Behind the drooping eyelids and sleep-deprived thoughts, I am the DJ of this party and “I (yet again) can’t get no sleep”.

Continue reading “Insomniac”