Confusion.

Indecision plagues my every orifice
While the saltiness streams from the holes in my face
My heart now knows the way forward
It is my head that no longer agrees
I claw at each thought that makes itself known to me
Why do you taunt me like this?
Take all that I know and all that I wanted
Turn everything upside down and inside out
Unfiltered emotion weaved through the sinew
A vacant lot where my soul used to be
Confusion seems to reign
Where once you thought you were oh so sure
Tell me that you need me
The darkness will not stir
Say it like you mean it
I still wont turn off the light
Who I am seems not be good enough for you
Who I want to be is not who you want
What I have to give you
No longer sufficient
Blow me back
Like leaves in the wind
Wash me away
As the rain would the filth
Leave me to get back up again
As I have had to do over and over again
You are not the first to splinter me
You will not be the last
As long as you know
The damage you have caused
In light of the love you left me

Colourful.

Black and grey

This void Ive wished to fill

Over and over in my head

I envision colour

Yet nothing comes to light

Take my hand

The symbiosis of love and life

embezzled in the deepest of

trecherous humanities

Let us conquer

Allow us to reign

This void overrun with darkness

That it my fill with an ever

consuming power

Together we are colourful

Apart we are grey

This void no longer empty

Love.

Colour.

Life

Cancer.

Her poison she spreads

She dances, she mames

Your body he breaks

You struggle in vain

Such pleasure she takes

As you forget your own name

Riddle with guilt

You cower in shame

Opportunist she is

As she stakes her claim

Every breath makes you ache

Your organs she frames

Try to hide, try to fight

Though you’re losing this game

Out of mind, out of sight

There is no one here to blame

She has taken you from us

Quickly gone, as quick as she came

Left behind this void

Not possible to fill

She took your body

Yet your spirit is here still

Bubble.

(Spoken word)

 

Who am I?

 

Out

In public

Effort is made

The eyebrows arched

… to perfection

Skin glowing

Tattoos showing

I judge

I condemn for lack of effort

Where no effort has been made

In

Dowdy

comes to mind

No make up

Eyebrows amiss

Lips unstained

Zero effort

 

Online

Social media

Truth bending

is the name

of the game

Status updates

Wishes and desires

Laced with jealousy

Rivalry

Inadequacy

The story that

You choose to see

Offline

Text me?

Don’t bother. I won’t reply.

Our online

interactions

are merely a lie

a cover to show the world

I am not dead

I exist

We are not friends

I am alone

 

In company

I will laugh

Jokes

At the expense

of the effortless

bastards honest

and possessive

of their own truth

I am queen

tattooed, stylish

eyebrows on fleek

I drink

I keep company

with the men

they don’t

want me

their women

want to be me

But in the mirror

I see me

Home alone

No longer the

muse

tired

self abused

a facade

I live

Inside no-one sees

I am actually

a good person you see

 

But I have learned to live

Online and outside

Behind eyebrows and tattoos

My weakness I hide

You keep me around

Your oddish desires you appease

You aren’t my friend

By your social circle I appease

And when I home, alone

There are no texts or calls on the phone

No one cares if I am alone or at home

I am my bubble, my bubble is me

You have your bubble,

Wait

Come and see.

Breath.

All that which draws me to you
Would be the end of it all
Who could have known
Your luscious lips
Would spew too venomous deceit
Whilst the touch of hand would grow fierce on my skin
Luscious locked lips
Thieving the very breath that keeps my heart a beat
A sensitive move
To cup my head in your hands
Forcefully bowing my body to your whim
Each breath, a painful one
As my life from my skin you steal
Suffocated veins beneath the surface
Rhythmically beating to the sound
Of your stolen inhalation
As if you could make it easier
If only you would hear my scream
My cries thwarted by the constriction of my lungs
Your own saturated and satisfied
While skin hues blend from pinks to blues
Realisation of what you have done
Silent crimson tears stream down
Angelically ashen cheeks
Limp and wounded in your arms
My time to pass
My last breath you did leave
For my final cry
And in your memory
I fade
I die

Bleed.

The warmth of your crimson essence
Seeping from your eyes
You feel it cool past your cheeks
And taste its bitterness
Trickling over your bloodied lips
How you long for the pain to cease
For the peace and rest in death’s end
Yet I cant be with you to face your agony
Only watch as you flail
Allow our lips too meet and exchange heat
Flickering of our tongues and taste of your mouth
As you take me into your hold
I will not loosen my grip
And my fingernails will dig deeper
Deeper into the swells of your spine
My knuckles white with the force
Of never wanting to let go
If I could be conjoined to you
Eternally to ease your pain
So that my desire would be
While you bleed I will remain
And while you feel I will be at your side
For all I am and have
Is now filled with a purpose
Fuelled by a feeling
In death there will be much hurt
But an all encompassing love
That my existence will never be without
For I choose not too know otherwise

Beaten Soldier.

From the shadows it is I wake
Praying for you my soul to take
For all along, these battles they mame
The hurt, the anger, the words, the shame

I try, I fail, what I feel is in vain
So I beg, I kneel, to end this pain
One person, who has endured so much
This one person on dreams does clutch

Fight after fight I rise again
Each enemy I see, strength I feign
Shoulders high and torso strong
Inside I am sad, have been all along

Shield raised, sword held high
Praying the foe shan’t see me cry
For this outer bravery that now is me
Is all I want the world to see

Warfare coming at me from every side
To shake my spirit and hurt my pride
A skirmish develops, another stab to take
A wound, a scar, a cut to make

All along I am strong and true
Inside I am cold, sad and blue
The smile, the laugh, the happiness too
It is not only me but also you

Another war on me you enforce
Forgetting why it is you have this high horse
For you my friend are no better than me
I am MYSELF for the world to see.

Be Gone.

It was how you looked at me
That had spurned the fury
The way you spat at me
In all your mystic glory

Your tortured me and raped
All there was too pillage
Within my deepest corners
You ripped away my bandage

With pure shock and horror
It was to me you stared
Why act surprised
I am sure you never cared?

Revenge is sweet they say
Especially when served cold
Revenge a bitter end
No energy to scold

So I leave you lonely
Naked and unsure
Remember who understood you
When you were no longer pure

Goodbye, farewell so long
Good riddens and all the rest
I am better of without you
To that I can attest

Awakening.

Walking away from the light

Brightness epitomising my end

Death is no longer my ambition

Now and ever my prohibition

Ive made the choice

and its another path I seek

The vapour of my being

Now a reality in my consciousness

A casualty of my past

no longer

Tis not the same light i envision

But the brightness

Of a new dawn

Author.

My words hold no lesson for you to learn

Nor advice which you can heed

I’m merely a soldier, whose weapon is my pen

Whose thoughts I let you read

 

My sadness and sorrows open for you to see

That you and yours may feel

Happiness is not that easy to write about

My pain is what makes me real

 

Sometimes what you read, you will not like

That I guarantee

My promise as a write to you is this

Everything you read is me

 

Nothing fake or untrue that I’d know nothing of

Of this you can be sure

Truth and ink straight from the heart

Honesty that is pure

 

Interpretation of my words is yours from what you see

To each something different indeed

Whatever you take, take with love…

And never cease to read