Ask.

Ask of me what you will…

What you need

That which you desire.

Ask of me what will relieve pain

What will soothe

That which you fear to ask.

For in love, there are no limits.

There are no lines.

For you I will give you what you need

What you ask of me

What you desire

And when you ask, I shant faulter

Nor will my love retreat.

Perhaps unaware of the extent

of my emotion…

Yet not liking emotion at all.

Perhaps longing to be happy…

Yet hell-bent and taking happiness

away.

Perhaps knowing you are in love…

Yet think you love me.

What you do does not go unnoticed

What you say does not go unheard

What you feel does not go ignored

What you need does not go unrequited

In love, life is never guaranteed

In life, neither is love.

In heartache, pain is never guaranteed

In pain, neither is heartache

And so ask of me what you will

What you need

What you wish

And what you desire

I will return to you

All you need and more

My love

Angelus Kaoticus.

Ashes amongst flames, once spewed, rise in honour
The angel spurns forth, from wounded soul to now healed flesh
Righteous orders fulfilled now in breath and in life
Feud and fury filtrated in the fallen
Breathes deep the air and sates his being,
Manifestation of fighting spirit now pure in human form
For he did fall and he was defeated
From his knees he did call and as man he was treated
In spirit he did heal and divine he was tested
Victorious he did emerge, conquer non contested

In the darkness she lays in wait
The weak, the meek and the unrefined
For her fear in the darkness, it is where she stays
Her paladin to her rescue, his soul divine

It is he who that remains, when all else crumbles
It is he who will withstand, to the sound of wretched grumble
It is he who will embrace when the darkness ensues
The KAOTIC ANGELUS, he is the one you choose.

Angels & Wolves.

Twisting, writhing, wretched contortionist.
Avoiding, withholding, unfeeling proportionist.

In the dark swells of the sess pools of your soul
You have murdered and hurt
Inflicted pain and cried…

And the burning fires that fuel your soldiers
pull you up from the ashes as if the icy wind
carries you from afar…

Hoping to drag you from the abyss
in which you find yourself
Unrelenting…

The words you yield carve atrocities into my eyes
While the blade of your tongue slices,
Deeper, deeper into my chastised nature

When the angels perish, wolves shall morn…
A risk never taken, a chance forgotten
Insatiable love. Love’s last jest…

Alone.

Unto heart a story, wordless story told
For the union of two souls, one soul become
This destiny not yours, not mine to gain
Solitude my sanctuary when dark days remain
Cool, collected smiles reign false
Facade encompassing being to oneself true
Silent, softly tears creep cheek
Realisation for lack of union so vital
Joy waning, heart beats in stagnation
Alone I am, this fire self fuelled
Burning embers alight from within
Holistic union not required
Desired heart with love ever unrequited
For unloved and unwanted outweighs alone
And tears, the fall, shall fall not for you
Without you, spurn forth I do
My heart, alone belongs to myself
Validation not needed, wanted, given
Inner hatred dissipates with love lost
Freedom ensues

Addiction.

That last drink… the bottom of an empty glass…

That last pill… an empty pill bottle remains….

The last cigarette… an empty box lays strewn on the floor…

The last kiss goodbye… a forgotten love distant and lost…

The last chip played… the last of the poker hand…

Addiction haunts me.
It thwarts my past…
It threatens my future…

How do I cure these addictions?
How do I rid myself of the nightmares in my daydreams?

Forever I am damaged…
Damaged by the addictions
By the over use.
And under felt.

The obsession… the compulsion…
The frustration… the revulsion

I repulse myself.
I cannot control myself.
The addiction takes over.
Slicing from my flesh.
Tearing at my heart.
Feeding on my thoughts.
Caressing my wants.
Barring my desires.
Fueling my needs.

My addiction.
You are my opium.
My prescription…

Though I feel and know your damage all to well…
You have become my safety net personified.
You are the difference between where I stand and where I lay.
You are the indifference between my mind and my heart.

My addiction.
My efforts to be rid of you go unnoticed�
and you take hold of my will power once again…

Wash me away
My addiction.

A weight lifted.

Held me down you did
My tears fell freely
Pushed upon my soul
No longer could you see me
Crushed and pillaged my presence
Boring did I become
Took away my essence
Chipped away til’ I was numb
Realise the damage you didn’t
Cut and bled me to the bone
Though we were together
All along I was alone
Strength you cannot teach
Respect is yours to earn
Abandoned the person that I was
This was my lesson to learn
In the end, a good deed you did
Your fear, me it did free
Now I am back to who I was
A stronger, greater me

A silly rhyme.

Childrens smiles, blue balloons
Ladles and jellyspoons
Tears of laughter, tears of joy
My favourite book, my favourite toy.

Droplets of rain upon my face
The touch and feel of silk and lace
The yummy taste of strawberries
Bananas, pears, peaches and cherries.

Chocolates and milkshakes
Muffins and fairy cakes
Fizzy stuff and sticky too
A tipsy tart and beefy stew

Cuddling up at night so close
A peck on your cheek and onto your nose
The feel of your lips upon my skin
The beauty of feeling cardinal sin

Things that make me happy
Far too many to list
But having you in my life
Makes me giddy and silly like this

A prayer.

Again it’s dark…
As the moon comes in to play
I hear the nocturnal adventures
of the evening birds
Singing in their
heavenly voices.
And so now is the time
I kneel on both knees
Alongside my bed
as the moon shines in
through the cracks in
the curtains…
A kneeling unfamiliar to me
Conversation completely
out of my comfort zone
And yet I need to talk
Need to thank
Need to rant
Where do I start
How do I address you
Its so quiet and for once
I am at a loss for words…
I sift through my thoughts
Trying to remember the
words of old
That which was taught to me
as a child…
Teachings long forgotten
I know where I want to start
and so the words come
Jumbled. Confused.
Mottled by the ramblings
of a lamb lost…
Yet I am comforted
I know you understand me
And no longer fear
that you dont hear me…
And so you listen
I mutter on and on and on.
You never tell me to stop.
You lend your heart
Your ears
Until I am awash with emotion
That hinders more words
And still you know what I think
What I dream and who I am.
Thankful… I stand
An age old ending
Set into the ages of history
And with that
A goodnight
Amen.

A gift unused.

Pencil to the parchment
Blank paper beneath my pen
How wistfully lonely
When wise words won’t come?
For inspiration, she eludes me
Weep to me oh whispering willow
Wave a wand of woeful wishes
For me with which to write
Clever tales and careless dally
Fussy and finicky I am not
I fight, I falter and I have failed
Where great men and women
Prosper before me
The bitter taste of bankruptcy
Left upon lifeless lips
Succumb to the stalemate
Of stories seldom shared
When inspiration, she leaves me
To fight another day.

A Child’s Slumber

She lays…
Oh so peacefully she lays.
Her eyes close and forget
She forgets all her woes
Burying the tiresome antics
of the day
In the sanctity of a dream…
A dream soon to torment
her sleep
I watch as she flails
Arms outstretched
as the look of terror
Sweeps across her once
calm face
Her button nose scrunched
Her small lips pursed
Her eyes closed tight
She is scared
Yet I can’t wake her
I can’t move her
In fear of disturbing a
nightmare she needs.
As quickly as it starts its over
She wakes herself in fear
And a scream escapes
from her mouth
The tears roll down her face
as she holds on to me
So tight.
Seeking the solace of
a mothers hold.
I don’t let go
I will never let go
As softly she falls to slumber
once more…