No longer a serial subconscious conformist.

I keep my circle small. I trust few and befriend fewer.

Breaking the ties that bind.


  1. repeatedly committing the same offence and typically following a characteristic, predictable behaviour pattern.
    “a serial killer”


  1. of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one’s actions and feelings.
    “my subconscious fear”


  1. a person who conforms to accepted behaviour or established practices.
    “organisations where employees are loyal without being unthinking conformists”

Continue reading “No longer a serial subconscious conformist.”

A letter to a young Shevy…

So many good things that will outweigh the bad, you will endure, of this I am certain.

Dearest Vaun,

In a few short years, you will learn the difficulties that life presents to it’s less fortunate participants. Despite your best efforts, you’ll be hard pressed to avoid drawing the short straw as you navigate adolescence, puberty, teenage life and young adulthood.

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Inside an anxious mind at 3am.

I am not weak.

It’s 3:01am and we are awake. I say ‘we’ because it’s as if my body is in one state of consciousness and my mind is in another. The body feels rested, lazy and comfortable; the perfect recipe for a sound night’s reset. The mind, on the other hand, races at the speed of sound, no rest for the wicked or tainted.

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Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde – Makeup Men.

I don’t believe that enjoying makeup and wearing makeup is a bad thing, in fact, I encourage it.

I believe that I have a makeup addiction.

There, I said it! I am not comfortable taking a selfie or photograph without makeup on so to present my poem and picture below to you is taking an intense amount of guts… I am showing you the before, the real, the unedited ME – The makeup free Shevy.

Continue reading “Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde – Makeup Men.”

I must let you in on a NOT so little secret.

People are a constant reminder to me that I’ve lived my life behind a mask, behind a manmade shield of strength and certainty, behind a facade of stability and success.

I didn’t just wake up one day feeling like an incomplete puzzle. I always felt like I had the corner pieces in place, most of the framework and some areas of togetherness within the body of the picture, though there have always been gaps. Sometimes the gaps felt small and insignificant and I knew that I could come back to them at a later time, I would surely find the pieces I needed. Other times, the gaps were so colossal that I felt like giving up on this puzzle, that the picture wasn’t worth completing. All this time I hadn’t considered that the gaps were there because the pieces were missing entirely, until now. These missing pieces that were balance, emotional stability, self esteem and true happiness had always been assumed to be on the floor, accidentally tucked beneath the corner of a rug or unknowingly swiped off of the table. I never realised that these pieces were never to be found, not because they were lost but because they were never in the puzzle box to begin with.

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Behind the drooping eyelids and sleep-deprived thoughts, I am the DJ of this party and “I (yet again) can’t get no sleep”.

It isn’t any wonder that I start a ‘mind rave’ every time I feel myself lacking in the sleep department, Faithless are headlining and the song on repeat is one that I am sure many of you know all too well. Behind the drooping eyelids and sleep-deprived thoughts, I am the DJ of this party and “I (yet again) can’t get no sleep”.

Continue reading “Insomniac”

Phobiaphobia. It’s a thing.

I can pinpoint the exact time and place that my irrational fear of fear determined my view on horror movies for the rest of my adolescence into adulthood. I am certain that I always disliked horror movies but this was solidified when I actually watched a full length horror movie at the age of 11, Frederick Charles Kreuger paved the way for horror movie antagonists to come and I would forever be conflicted as October time came around. A month of Halloween (Samhain), my birthday and my favourite time of the year but also a month of horror movies, scary dress up and cult classic revivals.

Continue reading “Phobiaphobia. It’s a thing.”